


F'ing Pumpkin

by deducethegay



Series: F'ing Pumpkin [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Halloween, M/M, pumpkin sex, sherlock crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-23 01:31:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2529068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deducethegay/pseuds/deducethegay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>our son sherlock done put his dick in a pumpkin<br/>featuring john possible-pumpkin-kink watson</p>
            </blockquote>





	F'ing Pumpkin

**Author's Note:**

> happy halloween fucksticks  
> don't kick me out of the fandom  
> inspired by the original "F-ing Cake" fic

The last thing John expected to see on Halloween was his half-nude flatmate bent over their kitchen table, examining what was arguably the biggest pumpkin John had ever laid eyes upon. There was something endearing about the way Sherlock's brows knitted together, while bits of sticky orange goo clung to his curls. John shook his head at the mess, the goo was everywhere- on Sherlock's neck, trailing down his lean torso all the way to that defined V-shape...

 _Focus John_.

Adjusting his pants slightly, he gave a quick clear of his throat and said, "What on earth are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Sherlock's eyes flickered briefly from his work to give John his famous _don't-be-so-obvious_ look. He gestured to the kids carving kit perched next to the pumpkin, "an experiment".

"You're carving a pumpkin...in your underwear?" John's hand gripped at the door frame, keeping his gaze firmly fixed on the pumpkin. Certainly not on the pale muscles rippling under Sherlock's skin as he dug at the thick orange flesh.

Sherlock pulled away from the pumpkin, straightened himself up and glanced down at his tight black briefs. "Obviously." He said with a cock of his eyebrow.

"Since when do you carve pumpkins for Halloween?" A nervous laughter escaped John. It wasn't as though it was the weirdest thing he'd seen since moving into 221B, and yet for some reason the sight had him hot and flustered.

"Oh for god's sake, John." Sherlock said with an overly dramatic sigh, "it clearly has nothing to do with Halloween."

_Snarky git._

He should just leave. Whatever Sherlock was up to didn't concern him...and yet, curiosity got the better of him. "No, seriously, what are you up to?"

"I'm going to fuck the pumpkin, John."

_What? No. Back up._

"Sorry?"

Sherlock, busy carving different sized circles, gave a frustrated growl. He then slowly spelt out each word as though John were a child, "I'm...going...to...fuck...the...pumpkin."

John's mind stuttered at this new information. He was acutely aware of the bead of sweat running between his shoulder blades, and the tightness of his pants. "Fuck... _the pumpkin_?"

"Yes! Fuck the pumpkin, didn't you hear me?"

He should definitely leave. He should walk away right now, go upstairs, lock himself in his room. He would quickly sort out his little problem,

_certainly not thinking of a dark haired man covered in sweet smelling pumpkin goo,_

and that would be that.

"Well are you going stand there, or are you going to help?"

John was pulled back into reality by the irritated voice coming from a-

a completely nude Sherlock Holmes.

"Jesus, Sherlock!" John's eyes frantically searched the room, looking anywhere but the detective who was currently stroking himself.

"Really, John. You are clearly aroused by this spectacle, so by all means make yourself useful or go away." Sherlock said with his usual people-are-so-dull tone, although a faint pink glow had started to flush his cheeks.

"I'm not-"

"Yes, yes, 'not gay' I know. Perhaps you have a pumpkin fetish? Who cares. I certainly don't. Besides your assistance would add to my research on human stimuli, two experiments in one as it were." Sherlock's eyes lit up at the prospect of two experiments.

John's breath quickened, his mind screamed at him to turn away but his eyes couldn't tear away from the ridiculous detective. Sherlock's sticky hands ghosted over his cock, his eyes fluttering slightly as he licked his lips.

_Fuck it._

"What...what do you need my help?" John tripped over his words, as his mind tried to piece together what the hell was happening.

Sherlock gave a lazy smile, clearly pleased at John's sudden interest in scientific discovery. His eyes gestured to his half-hard cock and back at John.

"You want me to...?" John's eyes widened, his mouth watering at the thought.

"John, this isn't going to work if I have to keep repeating myself. Yes, I would much appreciate your assistance."

"Mm'kay."

Without pausing to think it through, John found himself drifting over to Sherlock and dropping to his knees. He ran his hands up the detective's thighs, relishing at the muscles contracting underneath. Finally John reached his long, lean cock. He quickly replaced Sherlock's hand with his own and slowly began to stroke him.

" _Oh!_ " The tiny gasp tore from Sherlock, as John ran his thumb over the tip of Sherlock's throbbing head.

"Yeah." John murmured, thrilled at the way Sherlock panted and gripped the table.

The goo mixed with precome made an obscene noise as John's hand slicked over Sherlock. It smelled sweet, but musky, and it probably tasted just as...

" _J-john!_ "

John hummed around Sherlock's cock, his tongue swirling over the head. "Delicious." John said, his voice deep, before diving back in for another taste.

Sherlock's nails dug into the table, enough to leave scratches. He panted John's name over and over as John sunk lower onto his cock.

"John... the experiment- we have to..."

Reluctantly, John pulled away with a soft _pop_. His tongue snaked out and caught the droplets around his lips. "Not good?"

"No that was..." Sherlock's arms were still braced on the table, his eyes hooded with lust. "Good. Although the experiment was nearly over before it began."

"Oh right, yeah." John chuckled as he awkwardly tried to stand."So what now?"

Sherlock took a deep breath, pulled himself up and firmly gripped either side of the pumpkin. Mumbling to himself, his eyes scanned the various sized holes carved into the orange mass.

"Yes, here should be about right. John?"

John blinked out of his daze, "Hm?"

"I need you to go around the other side and hold the pumpkin still."

"Oh right, yeah." John mumbled, dragging his eyes away from that gorgeous arse. He moved around to the other side of the table and took hold of the pumpkin, a rush of air escaping his lungs as his fingers settled over Sherlock's. He imagined those long delicate fingers freeing the ache in his pants, wrapping themselves around his length and...

"John, concentrate."

John's eyes snapped up to Sherlock, who, cock in hand, was positioning himself in front of the hole. Sherlock slowly edged in the tip of his cock, a shudder rippling through him.

"What's it like?" Said John, his voice thick with want.

"Ah-hh... cool and... _oh_ \- sticky." Sherlock gasped as he pushed deep inside the hollowed out fuck-pumpkin, into the fleshy inside.

Sherlock's flushed face, his wet lips formed into a perfect "o" shape clouded John's mind. With one hand still gripping the pumpkin, he quickly unzipped his pants and freed his throbbing cock. Sherlock slowly slid out, and then back in again, a whine escaping his lips every time his hips bucked up into the pumpkin. John began to pump himself in time with Sherlock's steady thrusts, his other hand digging into the skin of the pumpkin.

"Does that feel good, Sherlock? Fuck, you're so gorgeous."

" _Yes_ , John.."

"Such a good boy..." John purred as he leaned over the table and pulled Sherlock's face closer. He trailed hot, wet kisses up Sherlock's neck and jaw line.

"Need...more!" Sherlock panted as he thrust harder. His lips sought John's, and he consumed him in a messy, passionate kiss.

"John, there's a hole, you too-please!" Sherlock stammered between whimpers.

John's hungry black eyes flickered to his side of the pumpkin. There was a hole, almost directly opposite the one Sherlock was currently pounding into. John lined himself up and eased inside, his back arching at the cool tightness, moaning as his cock sunk in deep and brushed against Sherlock's.

"Mmm, god it's so tight." John's hand slid up Sherlock's sweat-slicked back and gripped onto the back of his neck.

"Would you like me to fuck you like this, Sherlock?" John growled in Sherlock's ear, his tongue snaking out and licking the sensitive skin behind it.

"Yes, oh god, yes, Daddy. _Please_."

"Yeah, Daddy's beautiful little cock slut." John murmured filthily, as he pounded the pumpkin in time with Sherlock. "I'd push you up against the wall and fuck you like this until you begged for mercy."

" _John, John, John, John._ " Sherlock moaned, over and over like a mantra.

"Yeah, god, you're so beautiful baby, look at you, fuck."

John's vision blurred, his world spun. All he could think about was the feeling of his cock thrusting against Sherlock's, slicked up by the sticky insides of the pumpkin. It wasn't long before he felt that familiar pleasure curl low in his stomach,

"Fuck- I'm..."

" _John!_ " Sherlock gave a strangled cry as he came, shuddering, he slumped forward.

John followed not long after, a growl rumbling in his chest as he filled the pumpkin. His knees weakened, and he slumped against the fuck-pumpkin opposite Sherlock, pressing their foreheads together. With a shaky hand Sherlock reached across the table and picked up a small test tube. He pushed it through one of the larger, unused holes, and scooped up some of the pumpkin goo-cum-sweat mixture. John shook his head in disbelief,

_all that just for one little vial!_

Yet, the smile that stretched across both sides of his face said he wasn't complaining.

"That-" He panted, "Was the most ridiculous thing...I've ever done."

Sherlock flashed him a shy smile, one that had his heart squeezing. He kissed John gently and said, "And you invaded Afghanistan."


End file.
